Riding The Sea And Charging The Waves

2007-12-16T01:08:00.000-08:00

Date: 171207
Day: Monday
Mood: Cynical sadness, regret
Song: Creep, Radiohead

When you were here before
Can't look into your eyes
You look like an angel
Your Skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful weather
I wished i was special
Yeah so fucking special!

Chorus:
   But im a Creep.   
   I'm a weirdo                     
   What the hell am i doing here               
   I Don't belong here

I Don't cared if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
When im not around

You're so fucking special
I WISH I WAS SPECIAL...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever that you want
You're so fucking special
Wished i was special.....

For those who gave their everything at something but got back nothing at all...To those out there i feel you.

2007-12-06T06:30:00.000-08:00

Had a long day at work today. Fuckers that are suppose to turn up didn't end up only Joel and Me man the whole freaking office for the full day. Please people have some decency in having to pass down or delegate your tasks properly before heading off to take an MC if its not genuine. You guys are already 19 come 20years old and you have to bring your folks into the picture??? Please get a life and i think all of you ought to go through a little bit of what i went through in CTW to know whats call fuck up. All you numb skulled buggers. sheesh. Its going to be yet another long day tomorrow..arrowed by that damn John to do marshaller duty again when i just did one this monday! Its damn fuck up when he just walk over to CAS and say oh you have to be MHER and i am sorry gotta support! You fucking can't get some other people from other departments to do it?! you are the training warrent for god's sakes!

If i would have commissioned i would personally skinned you alive bastard....too bad the ranks that suppose to be on my shoulders have drop to my arms..fucking CPL can't do shit but get owned by the whole world. Even to the extent of others CPLs...army...fucked up place.

Gotta clear alot of stuff delegated by Jian Long tomorrow. I know his predicaments but sometime i wished the upper studies should pass down the knowledge properly so we under studies knows what to do. Now all i can count on is to find every fuck shit on my own with all the bloody regulars on my back..enciks and all what the hell.

Nevermind, i just can't wait for the weekend to come and i can return to that little bit of freedom i get doing scouting..but even that seem to be challenged nowadays.

Hunter hunted.

2007-12-05T07:01:00.000-08:00

Didn't book in camp today went to the doc in the morning to get my flu sorted out and haha get an mc. Meet up with cox to spend the afternoon and as i knew it his girl pop in also lah haha its like a package deal now meet cox mean meet cox and cindy aiy...poor us! :P

Anyway, starting to feel weaker throbbing headache..sinus infection. Hate it when i fall sick, become kinda incoherent...zzz...Went to catch Golden Compass though, it was quite exciting but ending totally sucks! I must say the schooner featured inside and the sailboats were really beauties haha!! Wish i have the luxury to just sail away sometimes. which is why i have to work doubly hard now to get things started with Cardinal 4...

Anyway, the impending stress level also increases after confirming that most of the rovers and the other 2 cardinals (yh and tris) won't be able to make it for mini swtc...that effectively means im running the show alone. With so much that had happen im just hoping i won't have too much conflict with that particular entity. bleah...thinking about it also cause the headache to intensify.

Am i reaching the crossroad of scouting like what i told Tristan? Why is it that i feel that what i believe im good at and worked seem to be slowly sliding away and all the f up stuff starts to surface all over again? Why can't i stop those that suppose to be stopped?

Just let me sail away.

2007-12-04T06:30:00.001-08:00

Freaking boring day! Well lucky that i got an off pass to come home and see a doc after passing over my duty this morning, but didn't go in the end planning to do it tomorrow morning or something...I guess this week is going to be boring with Kenghee supporting camelot's kayaking and the rest of the homies busy with school and what nots..bleah..im getting withdrawal symptoms from not paddling or scouting already!~~

Oh yeah, hooked up with Ernest today and guess what haha ! he drop me a bomb saying he is interested in joining SW haha! I guess he is being interviewed by Cox this very moment . Well the way i see it, we can use a person like him in the rover crew, probably if cox don't scare him away! haha just joking man. ARRGHHHHHH DAMN SIAN!

Cheer me up would you? :S

2007-12-03T04:45:00.000-08:00

Man its damn boring! In camp doing duty now...totally sucks to the core other than having my supper from the spec mess which is good other than that all else is just boring. Feeling the aches and cramps from yesterday's training its sort of a good kind of pain haha! Don't take me wrong im not sadistic or anythg, just that the pain and the aches reminds and affirmed that you have worked hard at it during training and it feels good to know that :)

Thinking of how to get Cardinal 4 up and running in the shortest possible time due to the other 3 cardinals getting conscripted soon. Yanhao especially, main founding member going in on 15 december that effectively would slow down alot of the planning process i guess. Really bent on making a mark for myself through Cardinal 4, but having some reserves as 1st mate's plan for Splashaxis was kind of in line with what Cardinal 4's business model is. Im just worried that, it might cause some tension when competition for clients starts coming in when Cardinal 4 is officially set up. I don't want either party to be unhappy of the whole issue as well. Splash axis is like the fore hand and cardinal 4 is like back hand, both sides also equally important.

On another hand, news about NRC by election sort of died down. Well, understand that there is alot of competition running for the last vacancy i would gladly step out if need be..i guess my loyalty was'nt with the HQ initially at all so why not let others who really want to be inside be inside. Furthermore, seen too much bad side of it already and more so i tink NRC is just run by people whom still can't fully internalise scouting yet? I mean its run in such a way that its so rigid and corporate style not saying its bad but rovering is scouting not another social or student council or club. You just can't run it base on the fact that you have great soft skills. You wear the uniform, you speak the words then you must act like one its logical isnt it? I am just dumbfounded why can't the council use people whom have a longer experience in scouting and really understand the need of rovering for scouting not rovering for rovering. WE ARE NOT ROVERS WE ARE SCOUTS. ROVER is not a CCA or a CLUB or a STAND ALONE COMMITTEE its an AGE GROUP OF SCOUTING! please get it right before you start telling others the wrong things. Sorry when it comes to scouting im very particular, its the love of my life and i cannot stand it being tarnish in anyway.

Looking for spray skirts...anyone got any offers???

2007-12-02T05:45:00.000-08:00

After Being Too bored during SL course and because.......

Looking Mighty Fine ;)

Thats Some big ass boobs contributed by Zhilong haha!
Poor Songleader from Griffin haha sec 1 only get bullied by 4
sea scouters haha

Arrgh my eyes are burning and the leaky nose is killing me...sinus and salt water doesn't go together at all!! Its a deadly combination i must say. Anyway, weekend coming to an end soon and it was a very rewarding and well deserving one :).

Went for Griffin's Campfire and Service Learning Course at Hq on Saturday. Though, find the SL course a little mundane some of the little snippets are really good tools, don't you agree emo friend;) haha. But the free milo was kinda a life saver during the long drawn out campfire haha! Griffin's campfire started off well but i guess it was the first time for the MCs so hype wasnt really there and soon it becomes boring and predicable. Zhilong and unicorn made the atmosphere quite fun i must say haha.

Today, haha what else PADDLING again! haha But its an official rover training so no excuses. End up only Tris, Keng Hee and myself went kinda sad but still loads of fun. However, although fun its a little demoralizing for me..my eskimo rolls didn't work for like until last 1 hour of the training and its a bitch really trying to keep doing it and having to execute it with consistency..bleah :(. Tris on the other hand manage to do the roll like 15-20min into the training haha! Dope shit haha he shouted once he flip out of the water like a cross between a yelp and a grunt haha so loud that those other kayakers taking their 1star turned and look and guess who is their instructor...1st mate -___-|||. But training was tough and mean today cause most of the time we are just rolling and doing sculling for support all those stuff plus a mini expedition totally drained and my muscles are crying out loud for help~..How am i going to survive tomorrow's duty arrgh...hate duties.
Oh did i mention that all four of us : 1st mate, tris, kh and myself went to touch the fountain of wealth at suntec after our supper haha! Its damn lucky to catch it open and that i insisted that we go and check it out then found out gotta line up so we did then suddenly the security guard shouted saying that we are the last group going in and the fountain is closing! haha what are the odds to that! Well going to keep what i wished for as a secret ! hope it work haha

On a lower note, emo monster been attacking me left right centre lately...its sick to even think about it now erbs...just hope it all smoothens out. The night is rather clear...and the stars are out at least from the view of my window... ;)

Some pics taken at Griffin's campfire above! enjoy!

2007-11-30T07:57:00.000-08:00

Thats me trying to do sculling for support..not very nice though.
Wasted the nice one not taken -___-|||

2007-11-30T07:47:00.000-08:00

Ahhh..paddling is definitely a emo buster! After the "attack" yesterday, waking up first thing in the morning head down to KLSCC with yh and kh really fixed me up quite properly. Look below we even come up with a corporate video for ourselves haha! This is our first maiden production so look out for more to come.

Although paddled for a short 2 hours today instead of the usual full day, thats cos our camera man have to leave for Malaysia later in the day, its really a very rewarding and fun session. Kh and me tried to get the syncing right to make the best clip for the video and as usual those fooling around ha....

Heard a supposedly confidential information from yh today and without doubt it reaffirmed how screwed some council is. This with the rest of what had happen recently/ or all the while been stressing me out lately...People are like rubber bands..too much stress and stretching will eventually bring about the snapping of the band.

Well, lets not ruin the night by returning to such disgusting memories...Enjoy the video(if you have access to this blog in the first place haha) .

Cold night...think its going to rain soon....Grrrr

2007-11-30T06:50:00.000-08:00

2007-11-29T07:56:00.000-08:00

In a demented state of mind. What is the deal about roping more and more people at the top?? Well i mean i can understand the intention of having a recruitment drive to capture the target group that we need...we have so much people up there but how many are actually working and how many times xiao gua get to see them??? sheesh...Im kind of starting to feel like im actually working as an outsider, i been working for you since god knows when and never ever did i complain about it...but seem to me now that im just one of your pawns that you probably could use to sacrifice.

I know that i have left the group time and time again. But it wasn't that i want to leave! I have to leave. The initial reason that i join was to improve myself and return to try to save some god forsaken group that i once belong to. But i came back nonetheless when i heard you need help, and i didn't leave ever since till i got freaking conscripted into the force. This was not my call as well. I been working by your side no matter what you requested i did it without questioning...how is it that i feel that i was never being able to be trusted and when its the crunch time, i was forsaken? I feel like i have been used time and time again but even so i never let go and still bite on..thats perhaps i still harbor some reserves that it might change and my time might one day come as well.

Truthfully, now i feel damn sicken by it..perhaps i shall fight for my own clause from now. I am sick of being a rag doll.

2007-11-27T09:30:00.000-08:00

This is dedicated to my other emo friend(i think you know who you are :)) just to thank her for writing me a biblical compilation of methods to keep the emo monster at bay haha! Well thanks for helping me drive it out of my system feeling alot better tonight. Till the next time it hits me again then! For that the next time i perform on stage or somethg you be the first i dedicate to how bout it?? KAM SA HA MI DA !

2007-11-27T06:45:00.000-08:00

Been some time since i last update this journal. Pretty much have happened from the last post its rather hectic but meaningful in a way.

First up, post Rigel event was immediately to organize and lead a new team to run Southernwaves' recruitment drive. Its definitely a big challenge leading these kids some of whom just join us and are not very sure of our culture and identity. Nonetheless i guess being the adviser to the team headed by Jeremy and through the journey with them helped them and myself grow into a better person. Oh did i say that this event was hinged with the bukit timah/ jurong district cubs campfire? the campfire gone smoothly as usual with coxswain's and tris's combined "clown-ness" it worked like magic. However, i guess for the recruitment booth it didn't really meet the leader's expectations and lacks the oomph...heard from cox that leaders said it was a good effort but not a good job. This kinda affected me to what i see if the team failed i failed them....now left with all the post event accounts to do which is another big headache as well...sheesh.

Next, paddling training with kenghee is GREAT!! been regularly for the past 2weeks heading down to waterventure kallang and changi respectively to paddle..even though the rest of the rovers didn't made it there for some reasons or another its good bonding for both of us i must say. KH is really a good instructor could'nt believed that i successfully executed eskimo roll just last sunday! all the efforts goes to him coaching me and rescuing me when i capsize haha! Going to paddle come this friday with him again hope its going to be another exciting session, and sunday another wet training this time official for all rovers to come..well cox made me the leading hand for this training so you buggers better turn up early!! haha

On a lighter side, haha finally brought Tris and KH to their virgin club night! haha they lost their first time to none other than ZOUK with effect from last friday right after helping splashaxis booth at suntec convention hall. IT WAS DOPE- in tris's words. I guess all of us needed the wind down after long hectic schedules and for kenghee that dude just fought the big monster call A-levels.

On the down side,bleah, kinda affected by what happened today. Today whole day was running about singapore making ends meet for the smooth running of the cadet's commissioning parade. Morning went down to ELM to collect the engraved swords that are supposed to be send down to OCS then after which bring the willkinson sword to engrave the SOH's name on the scabbard which cause both matthew and me a long ride from yishun to queensway shopping centre with the bloodied minibus which can only drive at 50km/h by SAF directive. After which waited for about 45min at queens then start another mother long ride down to SAFTI MI. At first, the plan is to drop off the package at SAFTI HQ but suddenly, some YSL come over and tell us that we gotta move it to FOXTROT WING! shit this is nightmare..been trying to avoid going to OCS the first place now i have to go back to my wingline! its already bad enough to have to do such things for the cadets when i was out of coursed for the most fucking and absurbed lame ass reason...HEAR THIS OUT..im so overtrained that i feel damn degraded being a freaking Corporal and serving as a course clerk! i been through so much shit to have people who are fuck up lead me?!! (referring to certain someone from CAS) nonetheless..i went without a word and meet up with my old buddies, sergeant major(warrent micheal) and all...all started asking me what happen and stuff then it really occur to me that foxtrot felt like home..and it was really a sense of homecoming but then again not my home...its the home of the officers..I started to feel ashamed of myself, that i didn't make it to the end. Thinking back to what LTA shiming told me before i left for SOCJOT that he wanted to see me come back and commissioned it really made my gut twist inside out. I know that its already been over for some time...but only those who are in the suck would understand how it really feels...no one else really do.

2007-10-31T10:22:00.001-07:00

Well this is consider my virgin log for this blog since the last time i touch blogging which is like way back....There's alot of emotions and stuff going through my mind trying to draft this entry i guess that is what happen when you are trying to just regurgitate what comes to you.

Finally found my home again with southernwaves, my fellow crew whom never left my side even though i was having a rough rough time in the army and finally being kicked out of OCS for some lame arsed reason. Really broke my heart i must say but well life goes on as usual like when did shit ever not fall on me, so get used to it. Funny thing is that just when i am bout to label this as THE most fucked up time of my life, after being dumped by both the army and her truely...my savior and that very someone came and scoop me up from the dirtbag. That savior was with me the past 14 years i been with him and that someone was what i would call it starstruck. Perhaps ah gong is playing tricks on me again i donno but surely im rather mesmerized by the chemistry.

The past few weeks were very worthwhile and its like a medicine taken to drive all my sorrows and boredom deep into Devy Jone's closet. Time spend with yh, tris, kh, cindy, jess at JBAC. 2STAR course. RIGEL. etc etc...it made me find myself again and sort of boost my confidence a little. Im just glad that the time i was away didn't matter to the guys and they took me back as their own right away. Gotta congratulate yh though for snagging our pollywog cindy haha it was a rather random magic as well which is why i say such stuff work in a twisted kinda way. When will i get to go a step further with Ms starstruck who knows? I guess im tired of being sad..like skipper said scouting is fun and i should be enjoying myself so fuck those whatsoever reasons that cause me to falter!!!

Signing out......Cheers and tight line
"HOOYAH"