Thats me trying to do sculling for support..not very nice though.
Wasted the nice one not taken -___-|||

Ahhh..paddling is definitely a emo buster! After the "attack" yesterday, waking up first thing in the morning head down to KLSCC with yh and kh really fixed me up quite properly. Look below we even come up with a corporate video for ourselves haha! This is our first maiden production so look out for more to come.

Although paddled for a short 2 hours today instead of the usual full day, thats cos our camera man have to leave for Malaysia later in the day, its really a very rewarding and fun session. Kh and me tried to get the syncing right to make the best clip for the video and as usual those fooling around ha....

Heard a supposedly confidential information from yh today and without doubt it reaffirmed how screwed some council is. This with the rest of what had happen recently/ or all the while been stressing me out lately...People are like rubber bands..too much stress and stretching will eventually bring about the snapping of the band.

Well, lets not ruin the night by returning to such disgusting memories...Enjoy the video(if you have access to this blog in the first place haha) .

Cold night...think its going to rain soon....Grrrr

In a demented state of mind. What is the deal about roping more and more people at the top?? Well i mean i can understand the intention of having a recruitment drive to capture the target group that we need...we have so much people up there but how many are actually working and how many times xiao gua get to see them??? sheesh...Im kind of starting to feel like im actually working as an outsider, i been working for you since god knows when and never ever did i complain about it...but seem to me now that im just one of your pawns that you probably could use to sacrifice.

I know that i have left the group time and time again. But it wasn't that i want to leave! I have to leave. The initial reason that i join was to improve myself and return to try to save some god forsaken group that i once belong to. But i came back nonetheless when i heard you need help, and i didn't leave ever since till i got freaking conscripted into the force. This was not my call as well. I been working by your side no matter what you requested i did it without questioning...how is it that i feel that i was never being able to be trusted and when its the crunch time, i was forsaken? I feel like i have been used time and time again but even so i never let go and still bite on..thats perhaps i still harbor some reserves that it might change and my time might one day come as well.

Truthfully, now i feel damn sicken by it..perhaps i shall fight for my own clause from now. I am sick of being a rag doll.

This is dedicated to my other emo friend(i think you know who you are :)) just to thank her for writing me a biblical compilation of methods to keep the emo monster at bay haha! Well thanks for helping me drive it out of my system feeling alot better tonight. Till the next time it hits me again then! For that the next time i perform on stage or somethg you be the first i dedicate to how bout it?? KAM SA HA MI DA !

Been some time since i last update this journal. Pretty much have happened from the last post its rather hectic but meaningful in a way.

First up, post Rigel event was immediately to organize and lead a new team to run Southernwaves' recruitment drive. Its definitely a big challenge leading these kids some of whom just join us and are not very sure of our culture and identity. Nonetheless i guess being the adviser to the team headed by Jeremy and through the journey with them helped them and myself grow into a better person. Oh did i say that this event was hinged with the bukit timah/ jurong district cubs campfire? the campfire gone smoothly as usual with coxswain's and tris's combined "clown-ness" it worked like magic. However, i guess for the recruitment booth it didn't really meet the leader's expectations and lacks the oomph...heard from cox that leaders said it was a good effort but not a good job. This kinda affected me to what i see if the team failed i failed them....now left with all the post event accounts to do which is another big headache as well...sheesh.

Next, paddling training with kenghee is GREAT!! been regularly for the past 2weeks heading down to waterventure kallang and changi respectively to paddle..even though the rest of the rovers didn't made it there for some reasons or another its good bonding for both of us i must say. KH is really a good instructor could'nt believed that i successfully executed eskimo roll just last sunday! all the efforts goes to him coaching me and rescuing me when i capsize haha! Going to paddle come this friday with him again hope its going to be another exciting session, and sunday another wet training this time official for all rovers to come..well cox made me the leading hand for this training so you buggers better turn up early!! haha

On a lighter side, haha finally brought Tris and KH to their virgin club night! haha they lost their first time to none other than ZOUK with effect from last friday right after helping splashaxis booth at suntec convention hall. IT WAS DOPE- in tris's words. I guess all of us needed the wind down after long hectic schedules and for kenghee that dude just fought the big monster call A-levels.

On the down side,bleah, kinda affected by what happened today. Today whole day was running about singapore making ends meet for the smooth running of the cadet's commissioning parade. Morning went down to ELM to collect the engraved swords that are supposed to be send down to OCS then after which bring the willkinson sword to engrave the SOH's name on the scabbard which cause both matthew and me a long ride from yishun to queensway shopping centre with the bloodied minibus which can only drive at 50km/h by SAF directive. After which waited for about 45min at queens then start another mother long ride down to SAFTI MI. At first, the plan is to drop off the package at SAFTI HQ but suddenly, some YSL come over and tell us that we gotta move it to FOXTROT WING! shit this is nightmare..been trying to avoid going to OCS the first place now i have to go back to my wingline! its already bad enough to have to do such things for the cadets when i was out of coursed for the most fucking and absurbed lame ass reason...HEAR THIS OUT..im so overtrained that i feel damn degraded being a freaking Corporal and serving as a course clerk! i been through so much shit to have people who are fuck up lead me?!! (referring to certain someone from CAS) nonetheless..i went without a word and meet up with my old buddies, sergeant major(warrent micheal) and all...all started asking me what happen and stuff then it really occur to me that foxtrot felt like home..and it was really a sense of homecoming but then again not my home...its the home of the officers..I started to feel ashamed of myself, that i didn't make it to the end. Thinking back to what LTA shiming told me before i left for SOCJOT that he wanted to see me come back and commissioned it really made my gut twist inside out. I know that its already been over for some time...but only those who are in the suck would understand how it really feels...no one else really do.